The Measure of a Man

How do you and I measure a person's worth? By one's station in life? The kind of car one drives? One's address or the elaborateness of one's home? What kind of job one holds or what one has done in the past? The level of one's education? Are we tempted to focus on the number of conquests that someone has made in their personal life, in business or the number of spiritual gifts one claims? Can we be 100 percent certain that our perception is completely accurate if we only measure by outward appearances? Absolutely not!

In Matthew's Gospel, these words of Jesus are recorded: "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogue and on the streets to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not left your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be done in secret. Then, your [heavenly] Father, who see what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:1-4 NIV)

We human beings hunger for recognition from our friends and our families. It is true that I have enjoyed being in the spotlight or holding positions of leadership. What is also very true is that being in the spotlight or holding a position of leadership does not define who I am or put me in a better stead with God than anyone else. In the same chapter of the Gospel according to St. Matthew, Jesus is further quoted as saying: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV)

Throughout my lifetime, church parishioners, family and friends have related their spiritual gifts, contributions to the church, or "Christian" viewpoints on politics and world affairs. Quite often, there are a number of questions burning within me that I want to pour forth in response to them. For example, one I have used in sermons more than a few times. "What have you done to reach out to the unchurched family living across from the church?" Given our current economic stresses, how about this question: "Have you invited your neighbors who have lost their jobs to dinner? Did you ask if there was anything you could do to help them?" Does anyone think about how they might assist a family or an individual who might be losing their home due to foreclosure? Is there anything more that we can do besides say "Isn't it a shame" and go on our way to our comfortable home and close out the world?

Praying for our country, for world peace and for family members and strangers is great. There is no mistaking the power of prayer. As people of faith we need to back up our faith and our prayers with actions. Otherwise, our prayer becomes simply a show. Again, in Matthew chapter 6, Jesus teaches his disciples: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to stand in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then, your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." (Matthew 6:5-8 NIV)

Another year is upon us. It is hard to believe that after midnight it will be 2010 and the calendar has already changed in more than half the world. Once again, each of us will face challenges and opportunities. One of the greatest challenges we will ever face is to remember that a person's worth is not determined by their earthly possessions or outward deeds. Our greatest accomplishments will likely not be published in a newspaper or broadcast on television. Those things which we do to put our faith in action may may only be reocgnized by our God. Whatever we do, may it be done to the glory of God!

-DB Turnmire

Happy 7th Anniversary!

"...There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

(Proverbs 18:24b NIV)

Seven (7) years ago today, on December 30, 2002, Bill and I met for the first time at a Perkins' Restaurant in Edina, Minnesota. I will always remember walking in to that restaurant and recognizing him sitting on a bench in their waiting area. He was very shy and was wearing a baseball cap, as if it would somehow offer a measure of protection. A lot has happened in the past seven years which has prompted me to make a decision to start blogging again. Furthermore, I have a lot to say about our relationship and other relationships which many readers will consider sinful and outside the norm.

First, let me say that since that first day we met, Bill and I have been almost inseparable, which itself is amazing in the realm of fostering a healthy relationship. Some would say that "too much of a good thing" would only cause troubles later on. However, we chose to count the day we met as our anniversary. Therefore, today marks our seventh (7th) anniversary of our relationship. I found it interesting that specific divorce statistics are not easily obtainable on the Internet. In fact, some states do not even record the number of divorces among marriages of men and women. One common statistic seems to be that 60 to 70 percent of all second marriages will end in divorce. Bill and I were both married to women for 23 and 18 years respectively, so in a sense one could count our relationship as a second marriage.

What is truly amazing is that our love and friendship has been able to survive more trials and challenges than many marriages of male and female will ever face in a lifetime. From almost the beginning, we both faced and eventually survived (five months later) a life changing disease that is in some cases deadly. That was followed by several series of outside challenges to our relationship from family, so-called "friends" and people in leadership positions within corporate America. Add further medical complications, life-threatening disease and major surgery, several moves and buying a house, losing our jobs, facing disability and still dealing with family related drama, we have survived!

Like the writer of Proverbs says, "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." It is my hope that family and friends will read this blog. Therefore, I have a few things to get off my chest, so to speak. Both of our marriages ended ten (10) years ago. There will be no more apologies, explanations, or pretending. Our children have grown into adults and must take responsibility for their own lives, actions and decisions. If family and friends refuse to acknowledge our relationship, that is their decision and their loss.

I am confident that God brought Bill into my life for a reason. It is very possible I would not have survived all of the family drama and challenges without his support. There are many other reasons and events that have confirmed my belief. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that each of needed a friend who would "stick closer than a brother."

Before he became king of Israel, the boy David became best friends with the son of King Saul, Jonathan. The two of them had a relationship that went beyond just plain friendship. In fact Jonathan helped to save David's life when his father, Saul, had decided that he wanted David killed. "And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself." (1 Samuel 20:17 NIV) Sometime later, when it was confirmed by Jonathan that Saul did indeed want David killed, he went out into the field where David was hiding to meet with him. After Jonathan's travelling companion was sent back to town, "David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together - but David wept the most." (1 Samuel 20:41b NIV) Perhaps David knew that this would be the last time he would see Jonathan alive. In any event, he was terribly distraught knowing that these extremely close friends had to separate. David's and Jonathan's bonds with each other are an example of two young men who had deep love and affection for one another.

Happy Anniversary, Bill! May all our friends and family members find the same kind of love and support in their own relationships.

- DB Turnmire