Happy 7th Anniversary!

"...There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

(Proverbs 18:24b NIV)

Seven (7) years ago today, on December 30, 2002, Bill and I met for the first time at a Perkins' Restaurant in Edina, Minnesota. I will always remember walking in to that restaurant and recognizing him sitting on a bench in their waiting area. He was very shy and was wearing a baseball cap, as if it would somehow offer a measure of protection. A lot has happened in the past seven years which has prompted me to make a decision to start blogging again. Furthermore, I have a lot to say about our relationship and other relationships which many readers will consider sinful and outside the norm.

First, let me say that since that first day we met, Bill and I have been almost inseparable, which itself is amazing in the realm of fostering a healthy relationship. Some would say that "too much of a good thing" would only cause troubles later on. However, we chose to count the day we met as our anniversary. Therefore, today marks our seventh (7th) anniversary of our relationship. I found it interesting that specific divorce statistics are not easily obtainable on the Internet. In fact, some states do not even record the number of divorces among marriages of men and women. One common statistic seems to be that 60 to 70 percent of all second marriages will end in divorce. Bill and I were both married to women for 23 and 18 years respectively, so in a sense one could count our relationship as a second marriage.

What is truly amazing is that our love and friendship has been able to survive more trials and challenges than many marriages of male and female will ever face in a lifetime. From almost the beginning, we both faced and eventually survived (five months later) a life changing disease that is in some cases deadly. That was followed by several series of outside challenges to our relationship from family, so-called "friends" and people in leadership positions within corporate America. Add further medical complications, life-threatening disease and major surgery, several moves and buying a house, losing our jobs, facing disability and still dealing with family related drama, we have survived!

Like the writer of Proverbs says, "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." It is my hope that family and friends will read this blog. Therefore, I have a few things to get off my chest, so to speak. Both of our marriages ended ten (10) years ago. There will be no more apologies, explanations, or pretending. Our children have grown into adults and must take responsibility for their own lives, actions and decisions. If family and friends refuse to acknowledge our relationship, that is their decision and their loss.

I am confident that God brought Bill into my life for a reason. It is very possible I would not have survived all of the family drama and challenges without his support. There are many other reasons and events that have confirmed my belief. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that each of needed a friend who would "stick closer than a brother."

Before he became king of Israel, the boy David became best friends with the son of King Saul, Jonathan. The two of them had a relationship that went beyond just plain friendship. In fact Jonathan helped to save David's life when his father, Saul, had decided that he wanted David killed. "And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself." (1 Samuel 20:17 NIV) Sometime later, when it was confirmed by Jonathan that Saul did indeed want David killed, he went out into the field where David was hiding to meet with him. After Jonathan's travelling companion was sent back to town, "David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together - but David wept the most." (1 Samuel 20:41b NIV) Perhaps David knew that this would be the last time he would see Jonathan alive. In any event, he was terribly distraught knowing that these extremely close friends had to separate. David's and Jonathan's bonds with each other are an example of two young men who had deep love and affection for one another.

Happy Anniversary, Bill! May all our friends and family members find the same kind of love and support in their own relationships.

- DB Turnmire

Pondering History

There is an old cliche which states that "history repeats itself". Of course, sometimes events in another person's life will remind us of our own past. While a similar situation will present a new perspective for us when it happens to someone else, that is our opportunity to share any kernels of wisdom we have learned through our experiences. Having said that, I decided to share another poem which was written a number of years ago...

LONGING TO BE LOVED

April 2, 2002 ~ David Turnmire

We spend much of our lives waiting, searching, dreaming, and hoping
For the right person.
Along the way, we compromise our hopes, our dreams, our values, ourselves.

We attempt to find happiness and we strive to love.
Often we overlook what we perceive to be another’s shortcomings.
So we offer our hearts, our minds, our souls, our bodies
As we commit ourselves to something different than we hoped for.

For a time, we are comfortable and outwardly at peace.
Wearied by the journey, our inner voice is only a whisper
And easily ignored.

Then, one day, it happens…a voice, a face, a glance, a thought.
The stirring begins and the cries of our inner voice grow louder.
A conflict within us reminds us
Of our hopes, our dreams, our values, ourselves.

From day to day, our personal struggle weighs on our hearts and our minds.
There is no doubt our love is true.
Yet, that still, small voice pleads to be heard.

Perhaps there is no answer to this life’s dilemma
But what do we do when our hearts would be torn apart.
One thing can be certain…
A missed opportunity to love is a lost opportunity to love.

Therefore, this question remains:
“Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”

___________________

For those who have been through the pain of being in a serious relationship that has ended, somewhere along the line someone will tell you that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". In many instances, that is true. However, I would contend that such a statement is not always true. There have been times in my own life when I did not feel that at all. Fortunately, time does have a way of healing old wounds and changing one's perspective. Each one of us will have to answer the question for ourselves. "Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

___

~ DB Turnmire