GIFTED THROUGH GRIEF

GIFTED THROUGH GRIEF

This article was written in the fall of 1990 and published in the Wyoming edition of  The Lutheran Witness a few months later.

When I received the call to be assistant pastor of Trin­ity Lutheran Church, I had no idea of the challenges and op­portunities that awaited me. From time to time, I remember seminary professors would tell us that they only hoped to pre­pare us adequately for the first sixth months of parish minis­try. Scripture also re­minds me that God does not for­sake His servants and will bless them with the neces­sary gifts to meet those chal­lenges and to serve in His Church.

Since my ordination into the office of the holy minis­try, I have been amazed at how the vast array of life experi­ences which God has given me has served to bless my minis­try among His people. This has certainly been true of the lat­est major occurrence in the life of my family.

Just six weeks after my ordination and installation, my wife, Karen, and I were grieved by the death of our fourth child through miscar­riage.  God has certainly used and will continue to use this event in our lives to bless His Church. We have been gifted through grief. We have been given new insights into the grief that those who experience the death of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death must face.

It is very difficult to find the right words in the midst of a painful situation like the one we and others have experienced.  Perhaps, there is a message for us in that diffi­culty. One of the most impor­tant ways of healing during grief is to talk about the death and the pain.

All of us, including me, need to be more sensi­tive to the hurts and needs of those who suffer during child­bearing death.  Prior to our experience, I had no idea as to the intensity of grief that follows childbearing loss. For the grieving parents it is a very real and traumatic expe­rience. One of the best ways to be more sensitive is to listen to the parents as they express their grief.  When the oppor­tunity aris­es to speak to the par­ents, we need to speak the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that mes­sage alone offers reas­surance and comfort to people hurting with grief.  Death is never timely and it is rarely welcome.  In reality, death hurts.  That is why Jesus came, died on the cross and was raised to new life.  All of those things He did for us so that sin and death would lose their sting.  Through our faith in His work, He grants us peace. He gives us that gift, even in the midst of grief.  One member of Trini­ty sim­ply said to me after a Sun­day morn­ing wor­ship service, "The peace of the Lord be with you."  Nothing more was said.  Noth­ing more was needed.

Pastors especially need to be aware of the theological questions that may arise fol­lowing the death of a baby. If there has not been the opportu­nity for baptism, the parents may have concerns about the welfare of their child's soul. After the death of our child, I was asked that ques­tion. I groped for an answer that I was not prepared to give. That question was an­swered beautifully for me by a broth­er in Christ. He reas­sured me by reminding me that God is the God of the living and the dead. All things are in His control, including life and death. God has blessed Karen and me by using us to create life. He has also seen fit to take this child to Him­self without the need for or bene­fit of Holy Baptism. That is truly a mira­cle and a source of joy in the midst of grief.

That we have been gifted through grief is indeed re­mark­able.  For me, it is so re­mark­able because we anticipat­ed the birth of another child as a gift from God. Convinced that we would have another son, I picked a name that reflected that reality, N­athan Glen. From the He­brew root, meaning "to give," the chosen name re­flected the blessing God was seeing fit to give us.

Indeed, God is still blessing us with a gift.  It is not the gift that we ex­pected, but one that will be used to bless others.  As I minister to those who experi­ence grief through childbear­ing loss, I pray that God will use my own grief as a basis to grant me the wisdom to serve with compassion and under­standing. It is also my prayer that He will equip me with the listen­ing and communication skills necessary to make me an effec­tive messenger of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to those suf­fering from the heartache which accom­panies the death of a child. Furthermore, I pray that it will enable me to be more sen­sitive to those who experience grief through other losses as well.  Only God knows the ex­tent to which the gift I received through grief will serve as a blessing to others. He will use this gift according to His good and gracious will.      Our Heavenly Father is restoring a sense of peace to the Turnmire home. There will be days when we are saddened by our loss. But we rejoice that God gave us the gift of life, if even for a short time. He has blessed us with four chil­dren, three in our care and one who rests safely in His loving arms. What a wonderful God we have who is able to give us great gifts, even in the midst of our grief.

Rev. David B. Turnmire, 1990