Well-informed citizens of the 21st century will realize the ongoing debate over "marriage and family" which exists in the United States. As socially progressive states like Iowa and Vermont join Massachusetts and Connecticut allowing same-sex couples to wed, other states struggle to accept gay marriage or have repealed the right given briefly. Arguments against allow same-sex marriage range from making gay marriage responsible for destroying "marriage and family" to the absurd predictions that soon we will be allowing humans to marry animals or plants.
It seems safe to say that a majority of adults have been raised in what we assumed to be heterosexual traditional families or by what appeared to be heterosexual parents. While this certainly has changed and will continue to change in years to come, there will be many who will continue to consider family to be a father and mother with their children. Rather than face the real issues behind the breakdown of the traditional heterosexual family, opponents of same-sex marriage will continue to point their fingers at gays and lesbians. As if somehow the desire to formalize our relationships will cause the homosexualization of all of civilization and thus bring about doom and gloom as procreation of the human race grinds to a screeching halt.
As I consider gay and lesbian couples who wish to sanctify their relationships as official marriages, I am reminded that "families" have already been forged by consenting adults who have chosen to live together and blend their lives as one. Oftentimes, this has included the children of one or both of the partners. Within our community it is common for "families" to be formed by choice as we have on occasion been excluded by our families of birth or chosen to separate ourselves rather than be ridiculed or gossipped about behind our backs. Even those not in relationships by choice or circumstance will often form "families" of their closest friends within the community.
Families of choice did not originate within the gay community. The biblical gospels illustrate for us that Jesus "chose" to surround Himself with those who many in His society considered sinners and outcasts. Numbered among His closest followers were a prostitute, a thief who embezzled money from the disciples' treasury and a tax collector - tax collecting was considered by most to be one of the lowest, most sinful occupations of the day. Furthermore, in His ministry, Jesus ministered to lepers, a woman who had many husbands and was now an adulterer, those who were demon-possessed and many other people considered unclean by religious zealots and ordinary citizens alike. These were the people that became Jesus' family by choice.
How do I know that Jesus considered these individuals "family members"? Matthew, Mark and Luke relate an account of Jesus teaching in Galilee. The events took place when his birth mother and his brothers born from the same woman came to see Him. The reason for their coming was because they had heard some of the things that Jesus was teaching and they wanted to come and straighten Him out so to speak. In reality, they thought Jesus was a bit crazy and they came to take him home to avoid family embarrassment. Jesus questioned those who brought Him the news. He said, "Who is my mother and where are my brothers?" Then He pointed to those sitting around Him - the disciples and others who were listening to His teaching. Jesus said, "Here are my mother and my brothers." [Matthew 12:46-50; Mark 3:31-35; Luke 8:19-21] Christ's family is based not on blood relationships but on doing the will of God.
To close out this blog, I would like to pose the following questions for those who may take a differing stand on same-sex marriage. Would it be considered the will of God for the children who have been raised by gay parents to be taken from them because they do not meet the definition of family determined by a few? Is it honestly the will of God to exclude a same-sex spouse who has nurtured and cared for the other spouse for 35 years because that person is now in intensive care and they don't fit the definition of family arbitrarily set by the hospital or legal system? When two people have committed themselves to each other, have joint bank accounts, purchased a home, furniture and vehicles together, and lived together as a couple, is it the will of God to tax them as single persons, deny a surviving partner inheritance rights and exclude them from programs designed to assist married couples as long one is male and the other female?
~ DB Turnmire
It seems safe to say that a majority of adults have been raised in what we assumed to be heterosexual traditional families or by what appeared to be heterosexual parents. While this certainly has changed and will continue to change in years to come, there will be many who will continue to consider family to be a father and mother with their children. Rather than face the real issues behind the breakdown of the traditional heterosexual family, opponents of same-sex marriage will continue to point their fingers at gays and lesbians. As if somehow the desire to formalize our relationships will cause the homosexualization of all of civilization and thus bring about doom and gloom as procreation of the human race grinds to a screeching halt.
As I consider gay and lesbian couples who wish to sanctify their relationships as official marriages, I am reminded that "families" have already been forged by consenting adults who have chosen to live together and blend their lives as one. Oftentimes, this has included the children of one or both of the partners. Within our community it is common for "families" to be formed by choice as we have on occasion been excluded by our families of birth or chosen to separate ourselves rather than be ridiculed or gossipped about behind our backs. Even those not in relationships by choice or circumstance will often form "families" of their closest friends within the community.
Families of choice did not originate within the gay community. The biblical gospels illustrate for us that Jesus "chose" to surround Himself with those who many in His society considered sinners and outcasts. Numbered among His closest followers were a prostitute, a thief who embezzled money from the disciples' treasury and a tax collector - tax collecting was considered by most to be one of the lowest, most sinful occupations of the day. Furthermore, in His ministry, Jesus ministered to lepers, a woman who had many husbands and was now an adulterer, those who were demon-possessed and many other people considered unclean by religious zealots and ordinary citizens alike. These were the people that became Jesus' family by choice.
How do I know that Jesus considered these individuals "family members"? Matthew, Mark and Luke relate an account of Jesus teaching in Galilee. The events took place when his birth mother and his brothers born from the same woman came to see Him. The reason for their coming was because they had heard some of the things that Jesus was teaching and they wanted to come and straighten Him out so to speak. In reality, they thought Jesus was a bit crazy and they came to take him home to avoid family embarrassment. Jesus questioned those who brought Him the news. He said, "Who is my mother and where are my brothers?" Then He pointed to those sitting around Him - the disciples and others who were listening to His teaching. Jesus said, "Here are my mother and my brothers." [Matthew 12:46-50; Mark 3:31-35; Luke 8:19-21] Christ's family is based not on blood relationships but on doing the will of God.
To close out this blog, I would like to pose the following questions for those who may take a differing stand on same-sex marriage. Would it be considered the will of God for the children who have been raised by gay parents to be taken from them because they do not meet the definition of family determined by a few? Is it honestly the will of God to exclude a same-sex spouse who has nurtured and cared for the other spouse for 35 years because that person is now in intensive care and they don't fit the definition of family arbitrarily set by the hospital or legal system? When two people have committed themselves to each other, have joint bank accounts, purchased a home, furniture and vehicles together, and lived together as a couple, is it the will of God to tax them as single persons, deny a surviving partner inheritance rights and exclude them from programs designed to assist married couples as long one is male and the other female?
~ DB Turnmire
